Integrated research essay Essay

Introduction Families in the twenty first century go through very many challenges. There are so many issues that are affecting this unit. Divorce is one of the factors that are really affecting this unit. Divorce can be defined as dissolution of the marriage when the partners are still alive. Since the twentieth century, there has been an increase in divorce rates in the society. This has been very prevalent in the developed countries rather than in the developing ones. Such countries include the South Korea, Canada, United Kingdom and the United States. Single parent families have become widely accepted. This has affected how people view divorce and its rate. There are various reasons that people give to explain why they opt for divorce. Other people site unfaithfulness or financial issues as a reason for divorce. A law court has to certify the divorce and also determine the terms therein. Such a thing includes issues after and before the divorce is carried out. Many spouses usually fail to agree on these terms. Such conflicts need to be solved amicably though this is hard. There are times when couples divorce just because they are incompatible. Some spouses claim to have differences that are irreconcilable that lead to divorce. Research shows that Muslims show minimal divorce rates compared to other religions. Divorce is not something that has started recently. It began very long time ago. It was even allowed by the Athenians though it was not common in the Roman culture. Divorce in general posses a challenge to many families. When a family goes through divorce, it experiences many things. There are issues dealing with allocation of assets. Matters dealing with responsibilities and taking care of children become a hard nut to crack for the parties. Relation of divorce to my own family of origin story In my family of origin, there is a story that is quite related to divorce. There is a story that goes- once upon a time there lived a man called Flamz. The man had a wife called Staiz. The two stayed together for some time but later on divorced. They had four daughters from the marriage. Staiz left the children with Flamz. Later own the daughters also got married and also divorced one after another. This story was used to explain why divorce is so common in my family. My parents are divorced and I have witnessed my two brothers also divorce. So divorce as a topic is quite related to my family of origin stories. This shows that family background can really influence a persons’ decision on divorce. Loss When a family goes through divorce, the partners automatically experience loss. There are always feelings of grief. When this loss of a loved one through divorce occurs, the parties are mostly not prepared to deal with it. This is because in most occasions it is a new thing. It is something that they have never gone through in life. When people get married, they always expect a bright future. When divorce occurs it is really traumatic even if the parties had gone through it before. The feelings of grief have to be there and the parties should not just feel normal in relation to this loss. This loss of a husband or a wife normally brings memories to the spouses that are bitter- sweet. It is normal for a partner to go through the grief feeling and this helps him or her to come back to normal. There are times when this loss makes people to be so depressed. It is healthy for such people to seek help from counselors if the depression takes a long time due to loss of a partner. This loss can make a person to be drained physically. Some people lack appetite and fail to control their emotions. Divorce can make a person experience grief due to the loss. After the people divorcing most of them even lack interest in sex, they can feel very lonely and even lack interest in doing any work. The individuals just criticize themselves. They ponder over what they did or did not do. These people need to accept that the divorce has occurred. This helps them come to a reality of the loss through divorce. The people should allow themselves to go through the pain of the loss. It cannot be avoided. Partners need to learn to function without the other person. The first reaction to loss in divorce is denial. People just think that the other person is just having some issues and he or she will probably come back to his or her senses. A person just imagines that the other party will just come back. People assume that the other party is going through a mid life crisis. The next point is where the earlier issues that existed in marriage begin to surface. There are anger feelings on how one was treated. This shows that the person is going through a healing process. The other stage is bargaining and a person feels like promising that he or she will improve or change in the areas that they were short. There is then depression and acceptance. Identity Many people normally wonder whether they can regain their identity after going through a divorce. Sometimes the marriage terminates when some partners have gone through so much emotional abuse. Other people even go through physical abuse. In the midst of this emotional turmoil, many people fail to find their real identity. Many people who go through divorce feel that they are just not themselves. They feel that they have just lost their sanity. Many people at this time of stress reach out to friends and relatives to help them come back to themselves. They just feel useless and not themselves. Most ladies who go through divorce feel that they have lost their respectable identity in the society. They even neglect their personal hygiene and good grooming. Such partners always need to come back to themselves very fast because more often than not they have children and other responsibilities to take care of. People lose their vigor and the strength to go on in life or to do anything. The parties just have to pull themselves back to normal. Many men and women who go through divorce feel they have lost themselves completely. Psychologists always help such people to come back to their self esteem and to regain their self worth.